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V for VignetteV for Vignette
'That which can be thought is not true.' Hindu Proverb
'I think therefore I am.' René Descartes
Some of you may have been wondering about the last chapter's title. Well don't. It might damage your health.
"Hello boys," said the almighty man who fell from the sky.
"Err, hello Doug, if I may."
"You may by such a sobriquet."
"Oh God, he's not going to talk in rhyme is he?"
"I bloody well hope not," ejaculated Pit.
"Let me expostulate on problem gentlemen: one has gotten oneself into such a predicament as to vindicate a vindication of negativity what does one do?"
"I didn't catch a word of that."
"I'd probably suggest one gets out of there," said Pit, passively.
"Indeed one must," agreed Doug.
"Well so far he's not helping," turned Phil.
"Then boys, gentlemen, let it be suggested upon one to get the hell out of here."
"You know, V doesn't just stand for Vignette..."
Pomp and CircumcisionPomp and Circumcision
'Sometimes I think I understand everything. Then I regain consciousness.' Ray Bradbury
Lately I've noticed a lack of italics in this story's chapters, so to even things up (even slightly so) I shall write this entire chapter in italics. Please excuse this. If your eyes are inclined to flux at such a sight, do pardon yourself from the reading of this chapter. Skipping it though may result in even further confusion in later chapters. In fact, I'm not actually sure why I'm apologising. Not only are you reading this at your own risk, but I'm left shocked as to what on Earth you were expecting. "This Book Has A Lot Of Italics In It." Think about it, really.
"Pit what just happened?"
"I don't know. Everything looks all slanted and pronounced; like an erection in jogging bottoms."
"Oh dear. We're not erect, are we?"
"I don't think so. I very much doubt that our Universe is actually an entity's penis trapped inside jogging b
To Abode Stuffs In An Altered LookTo Abode Stuffs In An Altered Look.
'Those who fear darkness have no idea what light can do.' Katasai Rakshasa
'There is not enough darkness in all the world to put out the light of even one small candle.' Robert Alden
One could assume that the couple would find each other absolutely hideous through resumption of eye-contact after much staring at such a beautiful (though mostly under-described room (I'll just blame that on the fact that it's indescribable (though then again, I did place adjectives in its name (oh well, nobody really cares)))) habitat, but you would be wrong. I shan't explain why.
Oh dear, a bracket in a bracket in a bracket in a bracket.
The room was white. A bright white: the brightest white. It put Persil in shame. Right shame.
I vaguely recall reading something like this in one of those Harry Potter books. That one scene where Harry was talking to Dumbledore, and there was some creepy, squirming Harry in the
To Put Things In Different LightTo Put Things In A Different Light
'Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels, it finds the darkness has always got there first, and is waiting for it.' Reaper Man, Terry Pratchett.
'I was summoned to greet Death with open arms, but I was pushed aside to live forever in his shadow.' Anonymous
"Shall we traverse?"
"What? Oh, sorry. I was just daydreaming."
"About what, exactly?" inquired Pit.
"Just just you."
" but I'm sitting right beside you."
"Well, I know but sometimes, I need to think about you to truly appreciate how err astonishing you actually are. My mind cannot comprehend you that is to say imagine you well enough and so thinking about you portrays in my head a lessened version of you. So when I go to look at you in reality, and to know that my reality is better than my dreams and imaginations it makes me happy."
Pit paused at that
Adjourning BottomsAdjourning Bottoms
'Here I sit, instead of sitting there; life holds too many choices!' Garfield
"Here I sit, instead of there. What does it matter to reality?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, does the placement of my bottom over here-" Phil could tell Pit was starting one of his philosophical rants he has when he's bored and sitting down "have any effect on reality elsewhere."
"No. It doesn't."
"But what makes you think that? What if, the placement of myself over there meant that a breeze of dust couldn't traverse down the corridors, and so a janitor or cleaner supposed that the corridor was tidy because they didn't look up this end of it, and thus got fired because they 'didn't do their job'?"
"Well, no. Reality doesn't work like that, really."
"But what if it did?"
"Chaos theory is aptly named a theory, you know "
"Well, take the primordial soup thingy." Pit made some actions with his hands, and added, "For instance."
Aroused SuspicionsAroused Suspicions
'Don't trust anyone when there's nobody to trust.' The Author
How exactly can the implementation of query become stimulated? That's like saying an inefficacy to your own cause is a fallacy from another's.
It needs- wait, this is all unnecessary filler, isn't it?
I guess I'll stop now.
That's another thing...what do people mean by 'guess'? How can you guess over something you know you will or will not do? Crazy.
"You know what this is, Pit "
" no? Care to enlighten me?"
"It's the Eye of the Storm."
" explain "
"Well, we've just been through hell-on-earth and all that, and this story is already ridiculously and unnecessarily long for a short story, so I fear the worst. Indeed, the time is nigh: this story is going to end soon."
"What!? That's ridiculous! It has no plot! How can something without a plot end? It's like a written version of a continuous manga, or a soap opera!"
"The author is getting frust
Would'ya Lik'tuh Supasize Dat?Would'ya lik'tuh supasize dat?
'There are only five great men and three of them are hamburgers' [given to] Don Van Vliet
Phil hit the front desk, head first. In any normal scenario his spine probably would've ceased and crinkled up, as falling 527 stories (as I have now presumed the skyscraper to be) down to Ground Floor's reception desk and slamming head first on it would surely do little but kill.
Pit landed on Phil shortly after, and as Phil was in a shape not too dissimilar to a capital 'Y' (his legs of course protruding up like so), Pit landed softly on his almighty groin. Luckily, Phil's spinal cord was bent out of shape in a manner that rendered him painless. It's sort of like twisting the middle of a hose so that no water comes out the end, if you get what I mean, and I'd be surprised if you didn't.
"Hello. May I be of service gentlemen?"
"Why yes," said Phil, always the first to get a word in, "you may. I'd like to enquire about a
COMPLETELY IRRELEVANT TITLECOMPLETELY IRRELEVANT TITLE
'That place is too crowded. That's why nobody goes there anymore' Yogi Berra
"Phil, where's the door?"
"I don't know. I haven't tried looking."
"I think that the door's hidden in the bookshelf; we need to turn a book or a combination of books to 'unlock' it."
"Good idea. Let's try doing that, but with less robotic speech."
"You're doing it wrong."
"So are you."
The two got up from sitting on their humble behinds and headed towards the previously unmentioned bookshelf. Many of the rooms in this mansion (still thought to be a game not that that's a wrong thought ) had bookshelves in them for a reason that may or may be something towards trapping them inside a book, were they to find one they liked and to read it. I haven't really thought about this particular element of the plot; I don't really think about any elements of the plot. I don't even know
Me, Myself, I. Who is that, anyway?Me, Myself, I. Who is that, anyway?
'The important thing is to never stop questioning' Albert Einstein
"I don't know, Pit I just don't know."
That was the voice of Phil. He did not know.
"Phil, it's okay."
"What's okay? Okay from what? What's the big deal?"
"You're okay now, that's all that matters."
"Yes, I gathered that okay from what though?"
"It's over and we're safe now; I assure you that I am me. Look, this is distinctly my penis."
"That's another point: why are we naked?"
"It hadn't really traversed my mind at any point. After all the madness this place has offered us already, Lord only knows what's planned next. And even then I'm pretty sure he's uncertain."
"This place is quite strange indeed."
"So you remember all of that stuff?"
"Yes the stuff that happened ?"
"But not of the most recent incident?"
"No. We walked up the giant lollipop and now we're here. Hence me saying, 'What's the big deal?' earlier on
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